Caged
by igiveuoneguess
Summary: "A caged bird... It sits on its perch, singing, eating, sleeping. A never-ending pattern that continues on for so long, the bird's actions become mechanic, and its heart grows cold and empty." A take on one of the many possible outcomes of Shizuma never meeting Nagisa


I have no idea why I decided to write something like this, but I just wanted to give it a try. Be warned, this is a darkfic.

What could've happened if Shizuma had never met the girl that melted her frozen heart, and was still trapped by her past?

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Shizuma Hanazono sat in the student council room, quill in her hand and ink nearby, busily reading and signing off on paperwork, as was her duty as Etoile. Her long, silver hair moved with her every action, whether it be as she wrote, or when she would turn her head to look at the next page in the pile. Although she constantly found a way to skip out on her duties, she worked diligently when she did care enough to get it done. But she hated it, she hated every waking moment of being the Etoile. Everyone adored her, everyone wanted to be her. But no one knew her struggles, her pain.

"Shizuma." She was snapped out of her reverie by Miyuki Rokujo, her longtime friend and assistant. Shizuma looked at her for a few seconds, then resumed her writing.

"What is it?"

"You were zoned out when I walked in. Don't get distracted, you have a lot of work to do." Miyuki sighed, setting down yet another stack of papers. Shizuma merely ignored her and continued to write. "You only have yourself to blame. You put off your duties, then they pile up like this. Maybe if-"

"I get it Miyuki. Is there anything else? I obviously have a lot to do, so leave me to it."

"Yes you do. Get it done Shizuma, but don't overdo it, okay?" Shizuma placed the quill down and clenched her fists.

"I can't wait until this year is over. I can finally leave this hell behind."

"Shizuma… I know you're frustrated, and I understand, but-"

"No! You don't understand! You just don't get it Miyuki. Having to constantly be the best at everything, never able to be anything but perfect lest it spread through the schools like wildfire. Having to be the example that all the girls look up to and want to be. Having to take care of everything. The greenhouse, the prayers, the greetings, this paperwork!" Shizuma exploded, swiping the few papers she'd been reading off of the table.

"Shizuma… I… I know you hate it, I've been watching you. That's why I've always been there by your side. I do understa-"

"No Miyuki, you don't! Yes, you've been there for me, but that doesn't mean you know how I feel. You don't know the thoughts that have run through my head every single day. My feelings for Kaori…"

"You don't think I miss her as well? You aren't the only person who cried over losing her! She was precious to me too. Not in the way she was to you, but still… seeing her every day, knowing she was getting closer and closer to death, and seeing that smile on her face in spite of it, killed me inside. How could anyone face death with such serenity? I admired her braveness. Even as she took her last breaths and I was crying, she still smiled and shook her head, telling us to live on for her. I miss her too, stop acting like you're the only one that cared! Why do you think I work so hard? I'm living on for her, I'm honoring her wish. You are the one she loved, so why won't you?" Miyuki shouted, tears flowing freely down her face. Shizuma stood up, and Miyuki could clearly see the pain in her eyes. She hardly noticed the silver haired girl walk out of the room before she sunk to her knees, her own sadness haven overtaken her.

Shizuma walked swiftly out of the Strawberry Residence and into the woods, deviating from the path taken by most of the nature wanderers, onto a path only known by a select few. As she walked, the pain became too much and tears streamed down her face, yet her pace did not slow until the trees gave way to a cliff overlooking the crystal clear sea, sparkling in the sun. She wiped her eyes and looked up, allowing the sun to warm her face, wanting the warmth to embrace her, something to tell her she was okay and that she would make it. No such reassurances came, however.

"A caged bird. Beautiful to all who may lay eyes upon it, and its angelic songs bring joy. But, no one stops to think. Is the bird happy? What does it feel? It sits on its perch, singing, eating, sleeping. A never-ending pattern that continues on for so long, the bird's actions become mechanic, and its heart grows cold and empty. It longs for someone to come and set it free from its cyclic life, to warm and fill it with love and memories. It longs to truly spread its wings and fly, higher than any other creature has ever flown before. Even if it means to succumb to the same fate as Icarus, it would be an end that the bird would not mind." Shizuma whispered, walking closer to the edge and looking down, seeing the waves crashing on the side of the cliff, almost as if trying to move it. "But no such person comes, no one has the key to the bird's happiness and it is forced to slowly, slowly wither away, its song growing duller and duller until finally, the bird finds freedom in eternal sleep." She stared down at the crashing waves, mesmerized by its rhythmic pattern.

"Shizuma?" said girl was startled out of her trance by Miyuki's voice. She was searching for her, and she sounded close. Shizuma turned so that her back was to the sea, and closed her eyes.

"_I only end up hurting those around me."_

"Shizuma?"

"_The people I call precious, are the people I make suffer."_

"Shizuma?! Answer me! Where are you?"

"_I can't keep doing this."_

"Shizu…Shizuma. What are you doing?" Miyuki stood at the edge of the trees, watching her best friend. Shizuma looked her in the eye and smilled, a smile of relief, and of farewell.

"_I'm sorry Miyuki, I'm sorry. Please, live on for the both of us."_ Shizuma let one tear flow down her face, closed her eyes with a sense of finality, and let herself fall.

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Like it, hate it? Let me know. If hate, please tell me how to improve.


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